Today the Shadow Home Secretary, David Davis, spoke out against the expansion of the Solar System, claiming that the integration of new member planets would lead to a "downgrading of all worlds".

His speech to the Annual Prune Yogurt Manufacturer’s Convention at Cleethorpes captured the mood of the nation, if you are to believe the headlines in the Daily Mail. "We cannot allow the Solar System to keep expanding like this. The more planets we include, the harder they are to count. And some of these planets are so poor they are little more than asteroids. It undermines the fabric of science. Millions of school posters will have to be reprinted. And it seems that some of these planets have elliptical orbits. I really believe that if they are planning to be included in our community they could at least attempt to orbit in a less erratic manner."

But the Government’s Minister for Solar System Expansion, Peter Mandleson, was quick to dispute the pig- faced tory slob’s claims. "These new planets will provide a much needed boost to our economy." He said, speaking from the Ministry Of Orbits a few hours ago. "They will each bring with them a diverse background and culture which will only enrich the lives of all of us in the long term. I know people are sceptical about new arrivals, but remember that the moon was treated with suspicion several million years ago."

Work has begun to ensure the new members are not discriminated against, and to reassure the public that we are not facing a sudden influx of planetary bodies. "We are only expecting a very small number of new planets." A MOO official told us. "Just because a planetoid can be included in the Solar System doesn’t mean they will actually insist on it. We really don’t imagine they will be flooding in in any great numbers."

Related news: BBC Science - Q&A New planets proposal