Arktopus journalists were invited to the inaugural flight of Satanic Airways' first passenger jet.

"It’s a triumph for Satanists the world over." The airline’s official spokesperson, Flayd Gluts told us as the Boeing 666 was officially deflowered. "And now that even the Vatican has launched its own service we feel it’s necessary to also give truly evil passengers the chance to exercise their right to pollute as well."

There was controversy a few hours previously as eight teenage virgins were fed directly into the jet’s air intake blades. "Naturally we are very proud of our jet, and we wanted to make a bit of a splash. Thanks to Nepal airlines’ antics with goats last week our originally planned sacrificial ceremonies would have looked a little cheap. Don’t be unduly concerned though, as all those mashed in the turbines today had their carbon footprints permanently reduced. in the coming weeks, frequent flyers will be able to offset their own carbon usage by simply filling out a form with the name and address of suitable candidates for slaughter and we’ll take care of the rest. It really is a most efficient way to combat climate change."

Passengers on board the flight were met by Arch Demon Letch Mandible, who sprinkled each of new arrival with bat’s blood, announced that they were damned for all time and handed out complimentary copies of the Daily Star, which has been adopted by the airline as their official in-flight magazine.

In-flight music was provided by James Blunt and Jack Johnson. Proving conclusively that the Devil does not always have the best tunes.

Related:

• BBC News - Vatican flight service launches

• BBC News - Goats sacrificed to fix Nepal jet