"Hi, guys. I'm so pleased to be here in Manchester, England, Europe. I just love your Soccer team, you know? I think Arsenal are the finest team in the world, or even in the whole country"...

"You know, all you crazy northern folk are so cool. I just love snails. And Frog legs? Yeah. But I know you Manchester people have special dishes all of your own. You know, like Haggis? Boy, I really love that. We've got a couple of dozen haggis at our ranch in California now and those little guys are just fattening up nicely. Can't wait for next November the fifth, when we all get together to celebrate the storming of the Bastille and eat haggis and chips cooked in our own excrement."

"Yeah. Manchester. You know, this place is famous the world over for its industry. There aren't many people in the country who haven't heard of your coffee exports."

"I know you guys struggled for years with conflict, but it's great now that Nelson Mandella is finally free and that the IRA have finally won their long battle against the Taliban. So I'd just like to finish with a song which I know is close to the hearts of all of you. All together now... Deutchland, Deutchland, Uber Alles...."

No. On second thoughts, you just can't make this up. What actually happened is even more cringe-worthy. Why guild the lily?

From now on, I hope "Doing a Streisand" will enter the language as a way of labelling anyone who travels the world with all the cultural sensitivity of smallpox.

Related:

• ThisIsLondon.co.uk: Does Barbra Streisand really like black pudding and chips?