Angelina Jolie has condemned Madonna and Guy Richie's adoption of One-year-old David Banda from Malawi as an act of "Sociological Plagiarism".

At a press conference today, Jolie and her husband Bradd Pitt the Younger, announced that they would be seeking redress for copyright infringement through the courts. "That was our fucking publicity stunt." She insisted. "I mean, what do we have to do to get a little limelight for ourselves these days?"

Madonna, however, remained defiant. Speaking from her London street, she denounced Jolie's words as "Unfeeling and insensitive."

"Me and Guy set out to Africa because we'd decided to put an end to the sufferin' o' them black folk by adoptin' this here baby negro boy. We'll take him back to the world with us an' bring him up like he was a person. Can you imagine that? I mean, how many coloured babies get that kinda start in life?"

Madonna shot to fame when she married Guy Richie, the entertainer and script writer who became a household name by fronting the "Daz Doorstep Challenge" and becoming a regular on the cast of "Eastenders".

When asked how difficult the adoption process had been, Madonna confessed that it had been more tricky than she had expected. "Shit, yeah! I mean, there was a dozen o' them little picaninnies lined up.  It was like in the mornin' and you just don't know which friggin' shoes to put on? I swear, I just wanted to take the whole goddam bunch right back home with me!"

So what now for the young child, taken so far away from his home in Malawi? "I swear, that boy'll get the best darn care an' affection our Nanny can give. Y' know, I'm sure she aint colour-prejudiced or nothin'. She'll treat him just like he was one of our own. Except maybe he might need his own bath. But hey, we can afford it. Besides, just think how cute it will be for the other kids to have a servant their own age!"

Our reporter asked how Guy would take to the burden of another child. "Oh, he's just so happy, y' know?  I mean, he really wanted a dog. But they're just so much hassle. You have to take them for walks, train them up, and then there's the hairs that get everywhere. I mean, this is just great, coz it gives us something to care for without all those trips to the vet."

The adoption has been heralded as an iconic fashion statement. According to top trendsetting tipster, Trinny Woodall, "It's only a matter of time before just about every working class teenage girl in the country wants her very own black baby. But they had better be quick, as this will push up the prices."

Related: 

• BBC News - Madonna 'adopts child in Africa'
• BBC News - Actress Jolie adopts African baby