Holy "Daddy" Benedictine, big boss of the most profitable and successful world religion insisted he wasn't evil in the wake of his controversial derogatory comments about the prophet of another popular world religion [which cannot be named for legal reasons]...

"Never mind what I said," Benedictine waved his hands wisely, "you guys just don't realise what I've got on my hands. I know the crusades and the inquisition are over, but the perpetuation of sexual repression, the promotion of the fear of eternal damnation and the war against contraception in developing countries is a full time job. Every once in a while I'm going to let it slip that I don't like their prophet and that our prophet is better, it's just work related stress."

Whisked away by his aides for more important waving and blessing duty he declared, "I'm not evil! Honest, I'm one of the good guys." Bystanders, clutching unusually shaped legumes and immaculately framed pieces of toast, looked on dejectedly as the Holy Armoured Limousine of God™ sped away.

Related:

• BBC News - Muslim anger grows at Pope speech