Tesco boss Terry Leahie has announced that the multigazillion dollar company will be going into Nuclear Energy within the next half hour.

"It represents a bold new step for us." He told our reporter, whilst trying his best to have our drinks machine confiscated and replaced with one of his own.

"We've been in talks with the government, and Tony's pretty sure that we won't have a problem with nuclear waste, as we can bury it in all the city centres now that everyone shops out of town. Of course, there are things that the consumer can do to minimise the effects of contamination. We have launched an environmental awareness drive in many of our stores."

"Now, when we fly a shoulder of lamb half way across the world from New Zealand, we will remind the customer of their obligation to re-use their carrier bags. Likewise, when we airlift sixty thousand tonnes of Granny Smiths apples from South Africa, we will point out to customers that they should be paying an extra fifty pence per item for compostable packaging."

"It is our long term hope that we can do away with land-fill altogether, by encouraging the customer to bury 100% of his or her own waste in their own gardens. To help with this, shoppers may like to know that they can also purchase wide scoop excavators for those difficult to reach home trash piles."

This move comes after Tesco's latest ventures into banking, telecommunications, travel, breathing, prostitution, religion and cut priced assassination.

"We believe that nuclear power complements our range of services to allow the customer a seamless experience. Our focus groups show that customers like choice, and it is our intention to offer them the widest choice of Tesco products ever."

He was dismissive of critics. "Fuck 'em." He said. "Give me their addresses and I'll have them shot."

When asked if his company would provide adequate training and safety measures for their nuclear plants and operatives, Leahie insisted that every precaution had been taken. "We are careful to select only applicants which have a strong technical background. Many of our candidates have cut their teeth selling DVD recorders and even MP3 players, so they are right up there on the cutting edge. And if you've seen our tills lately, you'll know that they've got lasers and everything. There really is nothing to worry about."