Hello Hello!

Three stories, you lucky people!Expect bad language, traumatic scenes, forensic examinations and all manner of unpleasantness in this Crime Scene special. many thanks to Kathy and Susanna who joined in the fun. I do happen to know that there are a couple of not-quite-finished offerings out there too. Guys - don't worry about it! Just submit your work when it's done and we'll enjoy it all the more for waiting!

It all started with someone’s music teacher.

They mentioned that they had come across this website called Activeworlds. A 3D world where you could build houses and talk to people online, from anywhere in the world. Back in 1999 it seemed like a really imaginative use of the internet. Can you remember what it was like back then? Ive seen some photos on here, with people reminiscing about their early computers, so I guess so.

Dear Mum,

I do hope this letter finds you well. Having a lovely time on Planet Earth with the Mortals. It feels like ages since I was last amongst children, and I think I'd rather forgotten how noisy they are!

'What do you talk about at the pub when you're drunk?' asked David, when I hummed and ha'd about what to write for this journal today; which made me chuckle – as inevitably during those episodes there is an amount of world-setting-rightness, a sharing of opinions probably best kept guarded but now unleashed to slither over the inhibition barrier, all accompanied by a smattering of hyperbole; and an invincible desire to start texting people... Cringe.... Certainly, my powers of philosophical and psychological perception become diamond-sharp, my insight deepens, my contribution to the world is volubly greater and if people are really, really lucky, I may start singing.

One of the memories that doesn't dull with time for me is the thrill I experienced the very first time I sat in a Starwars Arcade Machine. To me, it was about as close as I'd ever come to actually being Luke Skywalker, and I was so excited that my hands were shaking. Even at the time, I remembered the words from the novelization of the Starwars movie by Alan Dean Foster, describing how Luke had felt before setting off in Red five. “...Luke had flown these fighters many times before – in his dreams.”

We have three stories based on the exploration of Europa for you.

You lucky people!

Anyone who's still writing one, or is thinking of doing so, should feel free to contribute at any time.

I was listening to the radio and the topic of the day was Celebrities Behaving Badly. A rather earnest discussion was taking place about the way society looks down on common drug users as scum, but is perfectly happy to see rock and pop stars off their faces on a more or less permanent basis.

“We have an expectation that our celebrities will misbehave.” One of these experts announced. ”It has been that way since Jerry Lewis, The Beatles and The Rolling Stones.”

You think? That long ago, huh?

Well, for all you fans of Naughty Musicians, I have a tale with a slightly more notable pedigree. This sordid but chilling story dates back to the turn of the fifteenth century, and is, I hope, more interesting than whether or not Amy is in rehab again this week.

I'm playing Daddy this weekend, and I'm staying with my cousin Kathy for the rest of the day. Of course, I'd originally planned to take the kids out for a nice walk. Maybe check out a local castle or a country park.

But it's raining, in a big way. And Jessie has a nasty cough...

I hit the ground hard. It was dark and I was freezing. Somehow I'd fallen. Or rather, I'd landed on an aluminium ladder. But it was pitch black, and for some reason I thought I'd been in a huge building, with lights at the far end.

And that's when I realised. I was at home. In the middle of the night, I'd just fallen out of the loft, and I didn't have a stitch on.

Exactly ten years ago today, a signal from the Galileo spacecraft caused a bit of a stir. After almost a decade in space, and having sling shot itself around Venus to pick up speed, and dived through the atmosphere of Jupiter a couple of times, the automated probe's message was even more impressive: Europa has water.

Tomorrow (Monday 25th Feb) is the anniversary of the last ever successful invasion of Britain by a foreign army. You're not likely to hear much mention on it in the mainstream media, though. I don't imagine the 211th anniversary of anything is likely to warrant the front pages. (Unless the Daily Express is still in circulation in 2218, and then we will no doubt still be able to enjoy headlines about Diana and Maddie)

So, in the interests of not letting this important historic event go unreported for another 39 years, and just while we're all having fun waving our flags for the Sick Nations Rugby Cup, I thought it might be fun to lift the lid off this long forgotten threat to our Nation, which took place on a day very much like today...

Strange place, the Sinai peninsula. An arid triangular lump of red granite and sandstone mountains, interspersed with deep dry river valleys (prone to flash flooding when there is a storm every fifteen years or so) and wide sandy desert plains. A forgotten place.

Ive just spent a week in total indolence there. There is a small port cum scruffy town halfway up the eastern coast – with a Hilton hotel a few miles out, alone on the coastline. A wonderful place to spend some time on a sandy beach, gazing at the mountains, snorkeling in the clear water and doing very little else. Sooo relaxing...

It's thirty years since the Conservative party brought in the talent of Saatchi and Saatchi's advertising company to help persuade us that “Labour Isn't Working”, and to tell us that after five years of Labour Party rule that we'd be “Better off Under the Conservatives”

So, congratulations to all of us for at least surviving the spin generation, and happy birthday to us all. Now, blow out the candles and make a wish...

Among the many freebies I’ve picked up for my computer, I’m most impressed with Google Earth.

Now, for most of us, the fascination doesn’t really go very far beyond checking out own lawns and favourite holiday resorts, but to a seasoned old Photo Analyst, this tool is about as much fun as you can have with your clothes on.

Well, I had spent a good couple of hours last night writing all about my love of Flight Simulators. But a nasty disagreement between Firefox and Winamp resulted in a complete shut down which Open Office couldn't recover from.

Note to self - Save your work occasionally, you muppet!

Anyway, with apologies for using a stock essay, here is a piece I wrote for Kirklees Education Authority's The Governor magazine last summer.